Being a loving Friend, Partner, Husband or Wife takes work and practice, however, the good news is the payoff is huge—a lifetime of love and happiness.
1. Empathize:
Empathizing with your friend/partner is showing you understand. It doesn't mean you agree with everything; instead, it means you're willing to listen without judgment. Paraphrasing is the most effective tool to tell your friend/partner what you heard him/her saying. If you heard correctly, you can empathize accordingly, if you need to fine tune your understanding you can. Thus, you will avoid any misunderstandings or hurt feelings.
2. Avoid being an emotional Mr/Ms. Fix-It:
Every one needs to be heard. Listen and paraphrase what you heard so he/she knows you understand how she/he feels. Be his/her cheerleader, just as she/he can be your cheerleader. Allow the other person time to resolve the issue(s) in their own way.
3. Own your stuff:
Deal with your own personal emotional issues. Love yourself—even the flaws. Simply be there as you want your friend/partner to be there for you. If your personal issues are too overwhelming to deal with alone, seek professional help.
4. Speak from your heart:
This is critical and requires total honesty. Make "I" statements instead of "you" statements. Avoid saying: "You're thoughtless and selfish because you forgot my birthday." Say: "I feel hurt and not cared for when you forgot my birthday." No one can argue with an "I" statement.
5. Avoid being judgmental:
Judgment is a cover for your own fear. Understand that you are both flawed—we're all human— practice self-acceptance and acceptance of others.
6. Be generous and fair:
In a marriage or shared living arrangement—Make your living expenses proportional to your different incomes, especially if one of you makes less than the other: In a marriage or partnership work together to make your lives financially secure.
7. Develop a full fledged team concept/attitude:
Your friend/partner/husband/wife is not the enemy. You two are on the same side. When speaking of joint issues use "we."
8. Be affectionate:
Hugs are appropriate between both male/male, female/female friendships. Partners need to make time to cuddle and just be close in addition to sex.
9. Accept and acknowledge when you've messed up:
It takes a confident person to acknowledge when he/she has messed up, apologize from the heart. “Sorry about that,” type apologies are worthless. A heart felt apology is the only thing that will heal the hurt you may have caused—no matter how unwittingly. Then work to stop messing it up this way again, otherwise your apology is bogus. Apologizing and doing the same thing again and again is a form of manipulation—i.e. I’ll do whatever I please, because I can apologize and it will be OK.
10. Care about his/her well-being:
In a mature friendship/partnership/marriage, you need to care for each other as much as you tenaciously care for yourself.
